Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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