I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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