Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
