the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
