Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
