did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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