textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
