He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
