Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
