8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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