I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
