so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He has the fingertips of a God
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
