3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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