I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
