His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
