I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
