I think my vagina is haunted
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
