I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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