Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
