I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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