I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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