I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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