also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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