I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
