Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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