Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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