I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
