Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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