The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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