I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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