i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
