just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
