Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
