he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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