You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
