I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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