I haven't been this sober since birth.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
