I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
