Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
