I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
