Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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