I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
