Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
