we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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