Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
