Sorry, I don't speak sober.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A+ Viking dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
