Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
