I think I won the penis lottery.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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