i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
