i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
