The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
