It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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