i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
