My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
