i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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