My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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