Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sex in a hospital.. check
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
