6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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