Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
