whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
