She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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