Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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