how do flat chested girls get laid?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
