They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
