What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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