i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
