I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just threw up on my dentist
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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