I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
