You're completely useless in the revolution.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize