I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
