...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
