Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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