just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
