its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
