He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize