you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
